chilliad 2.0: everyone is lonely and stupid
preface. discord ruins a party.
“mollyhall are you ever going to finish the chilliad?” yes. i said yes and i meant yes! but i’ve been re-doing it, because honestly it was kind of sloppy and i wasn’t really trying that hard before. so anyway, here is take 2.
“what’s canon?” all of it. none of it. who cares! this is just for fun. i have to attach the chapters as PDFs because of formatting problems. i know that’s annoying. i wish i could figure out how to do it differently but i don’t know how to code & i have no desire to learn.
ok have fun xoxo!
On Saturday, April 13th, 2018, Officers (“Ofcs”) Colophon and Rhegium began an interview with Ithaca University student Melesigenes Bard regarding the destruction by fire of a multi-story house at 1184 Trojan Avenue. The interview took place in Interview Room B of the downtown police station, and lasted approximately twenty-four hours. Bard was read his rights, did not invoke his right to counsel, and had no representation present for the interview. He was picked up from the site of the fire, and was found with Saffron Klasma, who additionally waived her rights. Although twelve students were picked up, the remaining ten retained legal counsel and were not interviewed.
The following is a summary of Bard’s statement. The attached transcript contains the entire interview, and the recording is available upon request. The audio CD is OPD Evidence #█████████████.
A second interview was conducted with Klasma. However, due to a systems error, much of the interview was fragmented beyond recovery. The attached transcript contains the remnants, transcribed from the audio file, or the recording OPD Evidence #█████████████, along with a collection of text messages, social media posts, and other communications recovered upon a forensic sweep of Klasma’s phone, concerning the individuals discussed and their relation to the fire. These have been entered separately at OPD Evidence #█████████████.
Much of Bard’s statement covers a period of time prior to the incident at 1184 Trojan Avenue, and is, frankly, irrelevant to the question of arson. For this reason, it will not be summarized in this report. Regarding the incident itself, Bard claimed to have arrived at the building (hereafter, “the Trojan House”) at eight P.M. April 13. Although there was a party in full swing, Bard claimed he had not partaken in any illegal substance use, though he felt he “maybe had a contact high at some point,” and reported being completely sober during the interview. He said he had no reason to think there was anything wrong, as it seemed like a “completely regular night. Everybody was basically just vibing. The playlist was really good. None of that curated Spotify shit.”
Bard said he was in the kitchen getting “some sparkling water,” where he ran into Klasma, who was “also drinking sparkling water.” According to Bard, they were discussing “whether Weimar Classicism was a proto-feminist literary movement or if it’s bullshit that any movement which includes women automatically becomes some sort of gender justice thing. Saffron was like, ‘Why can’t the movement be about the art the women are making, instead about the mere fact that women are making it?’ and I was like, ‘Isn’t the fact of women transgressing inherently feminist?’ And we sort of went around in circles like that.” The officers did not seek to verify whether Weimar Classicism was or was not a proto-feminist literary movement.
Sometime between 10:15 P.M. and 11:00 P.M., Bard reported that a fight broke out, but he wasn’t able to see who the combatants were. Hearing the noise, both Bard and Klasma left the kitchen and went to see what was going on, but by the time they arrived, the crowd had dispersed. Bard said that they were about to return to the kitchen when there was a further disturbance upstairs. At this point they noticed the smell of smoke.
There were a series of noises. When pressed, Bard said, they were “explosions — or — maybe not explosions-explosions, not like, movie explosions, but it sounded like something was sort of exploding?” Party guests began to panic, and fled the house. Per the log, the 911 call was logged at 11:03 P.M. Bard reports not knowing who called the police.
Both students said they helped in the efforts to ensure everybody exited the house safely. Bard reports hearing someone yell, “IT’S A FIRE, IT’S A REAL FUCKING FIRE,” which spurred many attendees to leave, once they understood that it was, “a real fire, and not just some asshole trying to hotbox the house.”
When sirens were heard, Bard said he heard someone yell, “FUCK, THE COPS!” which he specified he understood to mean, “fuck, comma, the cops, exclamation point, not fuck the cops like fuck the cops.” He then clarified, “Actually, maybe there wasn’t a comma. It was a pretty tense environment.”
When asked why he and Klasma had not fled the scene with other partygoers, Bard explained that after exiting the building, Klasma had realized she had left behind a notebook with her writing in it. She attempted to return to the burning building, and he accompanied her because “it would be, like, rude? Not to?” At this point, they were both apprehended by Ofcs Colophon & Rhegium. Ofc Rhegium, the author of this report, can confirm, and adds that Klasma wept in the back of the police vehicle on the way to the station, and said, “It’s all burned now. When I am gone there will be no memory of me and no regret. Unseen in the publishing house, I will stray, breathed out, among the ghostly dead.” She then wiped her tears and said to the car at large, “Oh, that was good, actually. Hey, can somebody write that down?”
I love Saff and her abrupt tone shifts - see also, her girlfriend covered in tar that she manifested.