INTERVIEW WITH SAFFRON KLASMA
Interviewers: Officer Anne Carson
Officer Mary Barnard
04-13-184/4:10 am
Case # 40-032
Note for record - due to mechanical error much of the following transcript was damaged beyond repair. This transcript represents the recoverable sections of Klasma’s interview, with additions annotations from the interviewing officers for clarification where they were able to recall substance. Inconsistencies may make that testimony inadmissible. Please note that there are many cases of disagreement, and as such these clarifications are meant only to capture the conversation and are not admissible in court.
AC: All right, now that we’re settled - you’re all right just with water?
SK: I mean, chai with some condensed milk would be great, if you have it.
AC: Right. We don’t. It’s water or some instant coffee from the break room.
SK: Oh. Well, water’s fine. I don’t drink coffee.
MB: I thought all college kids loved coffee. I thought it was part of the whole thing.
SK: I don’t like to think of myself as a “college kid.” I think I’m more of a student of the human spirit.
MB: I see. Okay, well, let’s get started. You’ve signed the waiver, right?
SK: Um, yeah, I signed it.
MB: Great. So we just wanted to ask a few questions, just to understand a little bit about what happened, maybe try to get to the bottom of how the house caught fire. Can you explain why you were at the premises?
SK: Oh - I went for Helen. We’d had a fight and I thought she might be there so I -
AC: Who is Helen?
SK: The most beautiful girl on planet earth and all its heavens.
AC: Your girlfriend?
SK: Mmm, no. Beloved by me, certainly, but for reasons passing understanding she chose to be ride or die for the most embarrassing man in the world. She promised me the best senior year of all time but instead spent the whole thing with Paris.
MB: Oh, she studied abroad this year? Was she in town visiting?
SK: No, no. Paris is her boyfriend.
MB: His name is Paris?
SK: Actually I think his name is Alexander, but yeah, he goes by Paris.
MB: I see.
AC: Okay, so your friend Helen was also at the party, and you went to see her.
SK: Actually, I didn’t see her there. I got caught up with Homer. We were getting into it a bit - he kept insisting that Weimar Classicism was feminist, just because it included a lot of women, which I thought was sort of bullshit because - well, I mean, you guys get it, you’re cops. The police aren’t a feminist insitution just because there’s women walking the beat.
MB: Not sure ... how to [unintelligible].
AC: Let’s stick to the night of the fire. You went to the house to find Helen, even though you were fighting.
SK: I mean, yeah. It’s about, like, Marie Kondo’ing your life.
AC: I’m not sure I follow.
SK: Like - okay. So for some [unintelligible] ... that sparks [unintelligible]. But [unintelligible] Helen.
Per AC
SK: So for some people it’s a sports team and for some people it’s academics and for some people it’s a community of artists that sparks joy. But not for Helen.
MB: What is it for Helen?
SK: Who she loves.
Per MB
SK: So for some people it’s being athletic and for some people it’s being smart and for some people it’s making something beautiful that sparks joy. But not for Helen.
MB: What is it for Helen?
SK: What she loves.
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